Biru (Blue)

Kalau guru bertanya ,”Apa itu biru?” If the teacher asks,”What is blue?”

Aku jawab,”Itu kamu.” I answer,”Blue is you.”


Bukan biru yang ada di langit, Neither blue in the sky

Bukan biru yang ada di air, Nor blue in the water

Tapi biru yang ada di matamu… But, blue in your eyes


Christopher dari Manhattan Christopher from Manhattan

Biru matamu memperkosaku Your blue eyes violate me

Melepaskan baju dukaku Release my dress of pain

Meraba-raba luka di dadaku Touch the scar in my chest

Lalu mencumbu kepedihanku sampai pagi Then, kiss my sorrow till morning


Ketika aku membuka mata When I open my eyes

Yang tertinggal hanya cinta There’s only love left

Namun, kau tak di sana But, you are not


Biru, kamu dimana? Blue, where are you?


Dalam selembar kertas

Dalam selembar kertas,

Ia mengaitkan abjad-abjad,

Menjadi aksara-aksara bermakna,

Menggantung di ranting tinta,

Dan berakhir di ujung cerita,

Dalam selembar kertas,

Ada sisipan yang tak berarti,

Tanpa perlu Tuhan mengerti,

Ia telah berbisik,

Tentang kehamilan sebuah duka,

Yang ia sendiri tak mampu lagi ungkit,

Bahkan ia bagikan di atas tuts-tutsnya,

Dalam selembar kertas,

Takkan ada lagi kaitan abjad-abjad,

Atau aksara-aksara bermakna,

Yang menggantung di ranting tinta,

Ataupun berakhir di akhir cerita…

;Kertas dan  dirinya meniada…


Singaraja, 21 Februari 2012.

Mak Inah

Mak Inah

I had never proud to have mother like my mom. She was the one who I won’t to remember anymore. This feeling was piled up and became rotten day by day, every second in my life until God took her soul. Frankly, I did it just because my mom was a whore. Do you know? Women who sell herself in the side of road at midnight — with stars and moon as their friend every night and sun is sung a lullaby for them in the morning, one of them was my mom.  They are not has any different with a dirty privy where men canalized their desire. Sometimes, they came to my home and did it there, with my mom. I had ever heard their disgusting voice from her bedroom that beside mine. One day, she ever said something that I’ve never forget. ” When you grow up, don’t you seek for a job with this,” she pointed at her head,” but, with this.” Her finger went down and then pointed at her privates. Lucky, I didn’t vomit at that time! But, it was just a donkey’s year story. After she had passed away, I lived with Mak Inah because I had nobody in this word and nobody could help me from the financial problem. Actually, my mom had a loan and it was such as burdens for me, the twelve-years-old-girl. My father? Who was my father? I didn’t know him since I was born in this world. I just hope that my father was only one, not two. My mother never told about him. I had ever asked it, but then, my mom got angry to me. “Don’t care about him! I just leave him alone because he is too poor to feed us. Do you want to be a beggar outside there? You’ll dishonor me, honey.’ “I just consider him. I never see his face. My friends ask me at school today and I don’t know what I have to answer.” “Really? Just say that he is died.” “But, he doesn’t really die, does he?” My Mum, who was cutting her hair, suddenly stopped what she did. “I have just told you, don’t you ever asked about him!” I just kept silent and went away from her room that smells bad; alcohols, cigarettes, dirty attire. “You just build a castle in the air if you asked her some more questions. You have us, who loved you. Don’t be care about someone who never ever be for you,” said Mak Inah. I smiled to her and realized that neither my mom, nor my daddy was happy with me. My life would be like cats and dogs if we lived together. From that day on, Mak Inah always took care of me. She was my great neighbor all at once as my second mother because every time my mom didn’t cook something, she always feed me. Mak Inah’s husband was going to place somewhere and never come back again. So, sometimes I called her Lonely Mak. But, I loved her so much. She had the only daughter named Diah. She was three years younger than me, but smart and diligent. Diah didn’t continue her study because Mak Inah hadn’t enough money to pay the school fee. Besides, Diah was paralyzed. She couldn’t go around and played with me outside. What a pity little girl! But, I appreciated her fight to study. After I had came back from school, Diah asked me about the lesson that I‘d learn. So, compared with child in the same age with Diah, she absolutely was the cleverest because she learnt the lesson that her seniors’ got. Mak Inah knew that and thanked to me. But, it less than what that Mak Inah had been giving to me. Often, I gave up and wanted to die rather than lived like out of frying pan and jump to the fire. But, Mak Inah always said,”Riri, every cloud has a silver lining, honey. Don’t give up.” “I can’t, Mak. I’m good for nothing and I haven’t any power anymore! I can’t, Mak! I can’t!” I cried. Mak Inah said nothing, but she hugged me very tight. I understood now, Mak Inah had more burdens in her shoulder than me. She never cried because she said that cry makes her weak. Mak Inah likes to smile, to everyone, every day. Same with this early in the morning, she sold traditional cakes from one village to another or walking around town. “Cakes… cakes,” she yelled happily to every kid around her. Fortunately, I had been getting a holiday for a week because I had finished my exam. I could help Mak Inah and took care of her because she rarely got headache and droopy at noon. She couldn’t stand under the extremely hot sunshine too long. Some cute and dirty kids were running to us and chose one of the cakes which they liked. They had been playing football at the city park. Some people refused to buy some Mak’s cakes and preferred to eat the modern cakes such as donuts, black forest, pizza……. They didn’t care about the traditional food that had been extinct in my village. “Mak,” I called after we have finished sold half of the cake before noon,” I’m so thirsty.” “Okay, I’m going to find the water. Please wait here, little girl.” Mak Inah walked around to find a little shop on the side of road while was bringing her small tray. Then, she finds it across the street. But, Mak Inah didn’t look around her and directly ran to the store quickly. It made the chauffeur of BMW shock and hadn’t opportunity to change the steering wheeled. Mak Inah shouted. I reflected to turn my head and see her small tray bleeding. *** I felt drowsy and accidentally slept at waiting room in the hospital. It had been 5 hours since I sit here. Doctors only said once,” She is okay, but must take a rest for a moment. Her head’s condition is getting worst. Don’t worry. Just let her alone and don’t disturb her while she is sleeping. It can quicken the healing of her head.” Then, he went to another room with his nurse. Something cold was touching me when I slept. That’s Mak Inah with her small tray. She was smiling to me and said,” I am going to sell half of the cakes. I will be back at seven. You can go home and take care of Diah for me after you have awakened. Bye, little girl.” With a half soul in me, I was nodding my head then back to sleep. Five second later, I suddenly woke up and felt confuse. Had I just dreamed? Or, was it real? Instinctively, I looked at her room. Mak Inah was sleeping quietly. But then, I realized, she didn’t take her breath anymore.

Pande Putu Resita Wulan Prabhawati/II B/1012021157